The best way not to end up depressed for a summer is no set plan ahead. I think I'm sufficiently grown man and I know myself well enough for that not caught me by surprise. But hey, a dreamer begins and ends with his feet on the ground. With the euphoria of post-registration, I started to think (hey, no point) ways to not fuck up the summer season I hate to death, and do something more fun. Something I look back and say, "Hey, not bad" ... Well
begin four days of walking on an unknown world and on which I do not know if I have committed any illusions, I can rate the summer of 2005 as a failure. But failure was my fault. Since I live in stricter apathy and a lethal dose of introspection, I have begun a decline typical of crustaceans, personal and intellectual field. I attended my own engarrulamiento. Before I loved to think, I rode my own theories about everything, he maintained an analytical approach on everything happening to me. Now as I do not care, I think it is ethereal, time living without leaving a mark on him moments vanish, futile thoughts are lost in a bottomless void box [look how pretty this.] You can say I've taken a cynical and nihilistic about life as a response to an overload of information, plans and projects and crap in my head. I need a cleaning to keep evolving or something. Must be age.
Anyway, I decided, unlisted, do something cool. Exceeded objectives are underlined.
# travel somewhere, festival or whatever came up [was out before, I guess]
# Do not sleep in three days to see if suffer hallucinations. I read somewhere.
# Out for a walk at 5 am with a camera in hand.
# Playing Pro Evolution Soccer ['s all I've done] # Make
social life, to feel part of a community. # Collect
propaganda leaflets of the festivals of the church in the neighborhood.
# Writing a fucking script, make a short [I frustradísimo for this]
# Get "Magnolia" at any price
# Read more.
# getting my driver's license.
# Work [jojo]
# compose music or make an EP that I would place the head of the musical vanguard of Seville East.
I know I have abandoned this shit Jurnal, but I am in the midst of a creative rift almost insurmountable. Internet I have used imagination and the desire to write. I made a pretty stupid post trying to explain these reasons, but I finally crack and not published. It would be like the typical thing you write enough of beer at night that you regret when you wake up. I have even written by hand. As I look at pornography of local TVs (curiosity only) usually happen to me story ideas. In 15 minutes he had designed the structure of it, but for some reason my opinion (mine works as an assistant) dismissed the possible scenario considering it stupid. And that frustrates a lot. Get up with the airs of genius powerful and sleep like a miserable failure. I assume, now I'm an asshole, only serves as a passive recipient.
exciting to see what is my life, I put as button displays the event in which I lost the whole morning (yesterday). I spent the entire morning calling Canada, USA, Italy, Lietchestein, Switzerland, France, Spain and Sweden, immediately afterwards, hanging. It's simple, addictive, fascinating and terrifying. There are two things that I have a fear of frightening them. One is the "snow" detuned radio stations and the other is the telephone. Caller ID on all phones implanted DOMO or digital, let alone that saved my life a little. Now I can pick up the phone without having the anxiety of not knowing who is on the "other side", or simply do not get it. Removes the mystery of the act to establish a communication you're not really sure if that is what frightened me. Instead, communicate with anything. Finding no answer and having to recreate failed in phatic acts.
Thanks to the program "Voice over IP" that got me the other day, I can make anonymous calls and domestic and international free 1 minute. The minute the call ends. That is enough to know that there are people who feel as I do to pick up the phone. With no microphone, I can not answer the "Allo", "Who is this" or "who is" on duty, so that the role of écouteur (voyeur with ears) rests with me. I realized the grace of the situation when Angela called such a Iaquinta (nothing to do with the front Unidesa) and with a beautiful Italian accent, answered the call with a shaky "soon" (I think that's how the Italians answer the phone). After 20 seconds of silence, once again proved the same insecurity as before, so shrunken as to be aware of answering to nothing, waiting for a useless answer. It reminded me so much to me, which made me feel bad. I repeated the same process with people from various countries, so that I can feel vaguely proud to have introduced some concern in their lives. People become really vulnerable to the phone.
